Sometimes I love finding old emails. It’s a little like reading back on a journal and cringing or smiling or thinking… whew! I’ve come a long way. I had one of the latter moments just a few moments ago. I am writing the prologue for a good friend’s beautiful book on Happiness (more when that comes out) and was looking for an email confirmation from Spirit Rock… dating back to my first brush with meditation. It was about a year after I graduated from law school and I was feeling utter and completely lost. If you don’t know me and you’re reading this, here are a few things about me now: (1) I no longer practice law and never ever will again. (2) I am an artist (3) I do a lot of writing professionally and for fun (4) I took those dance classes (5) I left Marin and moved to Brooklyn! (I am back in CA for a stint, but it’s been amazing)
Life is always changing. And sometimes you just gotta follow your heart!
Well, you are probably just about to pop, and I know it’s been a while so I thought I’d drop you a note.
Things have been a bit rough here. Reid and I suffered the final chasm and I am still looking for a job. I have been doing a lot of re-thinking about things in my own life, and started creative writing and some other stuff. Today, I went to do yoga, and I decided that was going to let myself do whatever I want, so I turned on some classical and danced like a ballerina for an hour. It felt kind of silly but was strangely liberating, and I thought you would have been very proud of me. After practicing for so long, it’s easy to make yoga such a rigid thing, and I have been feeling it become that way for me, especially living in Marin and only practicing on my own. I was thinking about maybe taking a little break from it for a couple of weeks, just to see what happens, and I even looked into some dance classes.
Re job sitch. Also coming to conclusion that maybe this whole lawyer thing wasn’t the best idea, not just current economy, but also the fact that I think I am a rather creative person and that has been stifled by lawyer thoughts. I still want to try it for at least a couple of years, but I have a feeling that my career will be something always evolving and hopefully it won’t involve me sitting at a desk for 10 hours a day for the rest of my life. I am thinking it could be cool to eventually be able to do some art law, even if it is in just a pro bono capacity. I have been volunteering at legal aid in Sonoma, which has mostly involved domestic violence work. It’s funny that after all of these years of public interest work, I am finding myself thinking – is this really for me? It’s just SO exhausting dealing with women who continue to place themselves in these abusive relationships. Not that I am judging my entire choice to go to law school or pursue a public interest career based on this one experience, but it’s just got me thinking.
So, that’s about it. I have been spending a lot of time alone, which has been a little lonely at times, but being unemployed has given me the chance to try to sort things out in my personal life. I guess I am just trying to remember that everything will work out in the end – not easy, but i am constantly reminding myself. Oh, and I went to a meditation retreat at Spirit Rock in Woodacre saturday, also good, but hard! I forgot how hard it is to sit still and try to clear the mind.
Anyway, I really hope that you are happy and healthy. Give me an update. I am so so happy for you.